they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
