The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Randomize