I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
