Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
