girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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