Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
