If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
