you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
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