We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
