4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
