These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
