After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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