Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
