Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
