I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
