I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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