My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
