Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
