Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Randomize
