One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
