I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
