After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
