I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
