omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
