i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
