i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
