Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
