Need sex. Gaining weight.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
