sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
