they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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