Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I think I died a long time ago.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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