everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
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