My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
