hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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