Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
