No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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