You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
