I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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