My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Randomize