If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
