I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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