The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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