why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
