sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
