she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
