Are we in a gay sports bar?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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