I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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