Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize