Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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