we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
