Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
