Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize