I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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