i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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