so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
