How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
