i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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