Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
wow bdsm is so cute
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
