Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize