I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
