If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
They have beer where we have blood.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
