After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
