If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
