Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
