Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize