I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
