It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
