So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
