Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize