I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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