i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
