you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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