i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
The best revenge is premature balding
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
