they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
