once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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