i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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