More tranny stories later!
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
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