Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Randomize
