My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
