I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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