You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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