Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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