I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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