I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize
