I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
