We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
