My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
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