there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
