If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
