Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
