I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
