Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
