we made out on top of his cat.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Randomize
