Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
