the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
