I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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