if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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