every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
