He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
