but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
