Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
