i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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