If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
