My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
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